I caved. I ate fast food Sunday night. It was my first time at P.Terry's and I liked it, but I think I would have really enjoyed any burger. I don't know why lately I've just been craving fast food; I never really ate it growing up and I don't actually like it all that much but some days I just want it so bad.
I always regret it afterwards because I feel awful, but I was fine this time. I was just really satisfied.
It was around 10 when we finished eating, and I actually managed to fall asleep soon after.
Monday morning I woke up early to finish up some homework due for class that I procrastinated on, then headed class and work. I skipped breakfast again, because I wasn't hungry and honestly I think this whole no breakfast thing is becoming a habit of mine... After work, I went to the gym which felt really nice, & had Korean food for dinner.
I noticed in class Monday that I just felt really anxious and unsettled. In each of my classes I just couldn't help thinking of just getting out and getting to the next class and finishing my schedule so I could actually live my life today. I feel like I'm so ready to just break out of this college routine & do something worthwhile and meaningful with my life. People tell me I shouldn't rush it, and that I'll miss it once it's over, but it's hard to see that way when I keep daydreaming about working life...
And today as well. Honestly, I was feeling really annoyed just in general with college life. Maybe it was the weather - I hate walking around when it's hot and sunny... Maybe it's because I live so far from campus (it's around a 20-30 minute walk)... Maybe it's because I'm just too focused on other things... but I just felt like I couldn't do everything I wanted to do today because of class. And then, while in class, I felt like what I was learning was just pointless...like I could just learn this on my own...that sort of thing.
It was to the point that I was stressing so much about my schedule, and how to allocate my hour breaks in the best possible way and still do everything I wanted in the day that I was spending more time worrying about it than making good use of my time. I wasted time today walking home, just to go back to class, and didn't get to have a good workout like I would have liked...and it just kind of frustrated me.
I just feel like school wastes a lot of my time. I could be doing something meaningful, but I'm stuck in class talking about something that I have no interest in. I like learning, but lately it just feels like if it's not something relevant to my career then what's the point? I guess I'm ready to be out of these required courses.
Anyway so today, I went to work, then to class, then had sushi for lunch, then kind of wasted an hour and a half trying to work out but getting stressed about time and showering before my next class instead, then went home after class a bit frustrated. My boyfriend thankfully cheered me up by asking if I wanted to go get coffee (he's perfect I swear) so we went to Vintage & got lattes. Afterwards, I was in a much better mood and went to our KUSA meeting, which was kind of a get-to-know-eachother meeting called "Speed Friending." Following that meeting I went straight to a meeting with a group for one class I have a project in, and then headed home.
Tomorrow's another day...I honestly just want to go back home to visit my family..I'm so ready to be done with this semester. School has be entirely unmotivated & I just don't know how to generate any sort of inspiration to keep working hard.
P.S. In one of weylie's videos, she mentions that she wants to end each day by listing three positive things. I kind of want to do the same thing, just by blog post so here goes.
Positive Things:
- relationship with my mom has improved this semester
- had my favorite coffee today
- a busy schedule is better than an empty one
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