I arrived Sunday night around 9 pm last night, ate some of my mom's food and just chilled at home and fell asleep early. This morning I woke at around 7:45 and took my sister to school, then went to the gym with my mom. Her workout was intense! First a bike class for cardio - around an hour of hardcore biking which was pretty fun, and then an hour weight-lifting class which was a lot tougher than I expected.
I guess I'm used to doing higher weights and less reps but this workout was more for endurance and I was struggling a bit. I felt really tired afterwards but the workout felt great.
For the rest of the day I just ran some errands, helped my mom out a bit, took my brother out to dinner, visited my dad, and then went to sleep pretty tired.
While waiting for my brothers to get out school, I noticed a devotional book in my mom's car. I just picked it up not thinking much and opened it to the date and the message was absolutely exactly what I needed to hear. It was so relevant that I just shut the book, put it back, and sat there for a moment just kind of dumbfounded.
I guess lately, I have been feeling like I just need to be doing something at all times, and I need direction and control of my life, like I have to know where I'm going and what I'm doing and I need to fill all my time and be living for my future and whatnot...
But it was really eye opening to think about down time in this way. I guess I don't really value my free time as much as I should, and I don't need exciting things to always be happening in my life to have an exciting life.
Since returning to Austin, things have just been a rollercoaster, and I really really appreciate the down time I don't have this week. I feel like I've been walking on the side of a quiet country road and then I suddenly fell into a riptide river literally flying down the waves. It's like I've just jumped onto a moving train or something.
School, friends, and everything has just been really stressing me out and I've been an emotional wreck for the past two days. Things are awful, then better, then even worse and I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted at this point in time.
I did get to go watch my boyfriend play a tournament at the arcade, and went with him and his friend to Chilantro BBQ for some kimchi fries, and I also have found the time to get my daily workout in (which is what keeps me sane - I need it).
So I do appreciate the good things that have been going on but for the most part I've just been stressed and upset lately and it's starting to take a toll on me. Today especially - even just getting a shower in was a struggle. I also didn't study enough for my accounting exam and feel not even just unconfident about it but just demoralized.
Tomorrow is literally packed, every moment I think I have something planned so I'm just dreading the long day and hoping that it won't be as bad as I have imagined.
Positive things:
- Accounting exam is over
- Good workouts lately
- First time that I've been taken along to the arcade, made me really happy
Hopefully I'll find some balance soon.
Seeking church, seeking friendship and guidance, and seeking some peace of mind.
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